top of page
  • lizmartin177

Life as it is now…”Post-Cafe”

10/18/2016 It’s been almost 3 months now since we closed the café. When people ask me how I am doing, I am never really sure what to say, as I am not sure how I feel. I have been working a lot and my “job” consulting…as well as working to get my household back in order. Within a few weeks after the café had ended, I wandered around many days, trying to figure out what to do with myself and the chaos I had created at my home. What was going to be “my thing” now? What was going to excite me about my day, about what I was going to accomplish, what were the goals…how was I going to change the world now? When I gave up my “my job” several years ago to become a full-time artist, that was my thing, Art. Then I added the Art Classes, and then came the Café, and I was making a difference in the world through Art. Now what am I doing? Nothing. I did not how to reconcile with that. I would look at my art pieces and art supplies, which are stacked up in my shop, my art shed, my house, everywhere, and I felt sad. Here it all sits, with no purpose now. The house, the yard, the shop, all a mess. I honestly would walk around and cry and think, what have I done? What happened? I had made this mess…a mess of our lives. Our finances are in shambles. Everything. A mess. I didn’t know how to reconcile with any of it. Each day I just would get out of bed and go to work at “my job”. I buried myself in that and buried the feelings. At some point I did decided that I had to fix it. I had to do something, and came to the agreement with myself that that would be “my thing”. Getting our household back in order. I worked on making a To Do List every day that included all the projects and items that needed to get done. I felt good about the lists. I would mark stuff off every day, and I felt accomplished. So now, I feel like I have a good handle on this again…just like in the old days: Pre-café. I have a house that feels like mine again, a yard that I enjoy being in again, a gigantic excel spread sheet with all these numbers that go on and on, which equal a very long term budget. I have worked this whole plan like a job, my other job, “my thing”. However, I am wandering again. Now what do I do? I have been getting some advice from friends, and it’s the same advice that I can hear somewhere in the back of my subconscious…that I need to get back to my art. Art to get back to who I was, who I am, for therapy, for the love of it. But I can’t. Why? I think it’s because I am mad, mad at “it”. Mad at what was “my thing”. I am trying to really identify what I am feeling, so I can work through it…but I am struggling to really understand what’s going on in my head. I get that life is full of ups and downs, good things, bad things, and that the fact that I had this wonderful 2 year adventure is what I should be thankful for. I get that it’s better to have tried and failed that not tried at all….blah blah blah. But I am mad. I tried to do something different, something crazy and unexpected, and hard, and it didn’t work. It’s gone. It’s over. And I am mad.

2 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All

On A Mission…..

Launch date for new business is tomorrow….could not sleep, so up at 5:00 am .  I played my games on my phone – Draw Something and Word Feud, then browsed FB, posted a status for today, drank my diet s

Back to it.

Time to get back to it.  Took a little vacation, and also, to be honest, stopped scheduling time to work on “LizRedesigned”.  However, we did get the photo shoot completed and the start of the website


No song posting for now. Sorry to disappoint you, my 4 loyal readers 🙂 but thanks for reading! I need to be a better blogger….I go way to long without posting. So maybe smaller posts will be easier.


bottom of page