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In My Lonely Feeling

In My Lonely Feeling

In my lonely feeling From my darkest dreams, I go on through days As I wonder, Always changing Forever dreaming Am I the master of my soul?

Now my reason’s changing. Fear has faded away. No more days of my wonder, Can’t stop feeling, No disbelieving, Yes, I’m the master of my soul.

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I am not sure if you can really master your own soul. I think maybe we master pieces of it, some here, some there. And while we are busy mastering certain parts, the parts we have already mastered are changing and will need to be mastered again.  How can a person really ever be content and happy to be exactly where they are?

If I am truly working to live the life I meant for, and enjoy each day to the fullest, how do I not feel under joyed when I am not moving in the direction I set out to?  If a day goes bad, or wrong, how do I enjoy that day, when it was not the day I had intended?  Is it that we just need to understand that we are really not in control of our destiny, or are we in control of our destiny, but not in control of the activities that surround us?  Reacting to changes in the pathway is the real key maybe.  Is real mastery of the soul done by adapting to the obstacles and taking them in stride?

The last couple 3 weeks have been challenging.  I was getting ready to start on a new art project, and hurt my back…its still not 100% yet.  Then my daughter and husband got really sick.  They were sick for couple days, then I got sick and we were all sick for a week.  I still had to work, do Mom stuff (and Dad’s stuff), cook, clean etc.  The plan was to start going to the gym, stick to my schedule of certain days being my creative days, etc., but that did not happen, because of life’s little obstacles.  I am ready to get over it now, and move on and keep trying.  I just don’t want to feel so down when there are so many obstacles.  If I am supposed to be living in the moment, and the moment sucks, what then?  I am not the “oh well, there’s always tomorrow” kind of person.  But I know that the “always having to be accomplishing something” kind of person is not heathly either.  I also know that in the grand scheme of things these obstacles are small, very small….and I need to work to remember that.

Sooooo, off I go today to work through this, and will let you know how I do.

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